Anybody else find it hilarious one of the world's richest men has a last name that's one character shy of a Super Mario Bros. 2 D-tier villan? Anyway, Scamazon is everybody's favorite marketplace in 2026....except mine apparently. Even the most blue, left-wing, anti-Trump, anti-MAGA, anti-billionaire/trillionaire, Anti-fascist people I know LOVE Amazon. It's their choice place to shop. Personally, I'm one of those people who'd rather stick to his guns and not be a hypocrite, but then that's why I call the Mainstream the "Lamestream". I've given up on changing anyone's mind, it's just not possible. Got to be stubborn in this day and age.

Now, I originally had no qualms with them, in any way. I've watched Amazon grow since 1995, as I've been on the web since 1994. Bezos was some poor guy in Seattle selling books for cheap out of a garage space with probably a Packard Bell 486 Computer. Ah, the dream of the 1990's, just live in Seattle, start a business, and stay non-corporate...and you'll stay cool. Thing is, the 1990's are a huge lie, a huge sellout. Reading things about Kurt Cobain towards the end of things makes me feel even more validated... Seattle is about as Punk as Alabama is liberal. They rate at what? A quarter Joe Strummer on the Joe STrummer scale!?!? Back in the day, I didn't even bother with Amazon, because I bought all my books locally, and the kinds of books I was after, were most likely found in a special interest catalog.

I think the first hint of trouble is when I started realizing almost nobody goes to a fucking STORE anymore. Here my mom is going on and on about her Kindle, here everyone else is ordering shit on Amazon we all used to go to Wal-Mart for (don't worry, I'm getting to them). Now, I might expose a little about myself here, but this is the shit I used to read Ed Roman - a disgraced motorcycle guy gone guitar salesman/wannabe-luthier who died a million years ago - ranting about on his website. And one thing I might actually have agreed with this weirdo on was the truth about Brick and Mortar stores vs. online shopping. Once people stop caring about going to the store, stores will be no more.

Now, we're not losing much losing Wal-Mart/K-Mart/Target/Kroeger/Kreskies/Western Auto/Lowes in community like we are say Crosstown Local Music Shop...but we are likely to lose the option to go somewhere ELSE for everything. Once people stop leaving their houses to shop, they'll stop leaving their houses for everything else. The frightening part is, you can literally buy EVERYTHING on Amazon these days. Seriously - electronics, cat litter, groceries, tools, parts for cars, firearms accessories....you name it, you can buy it on Amazon. Why the hell leave the house? Wanna take up guitar? Just buy a Donner STrat Pack on Scamazon Prime for $150.00. I may be agoraphobic, but I know the value of leaving my damn house once in awhile and touching fucking grass!

But that doesn't bother me as much as when you have a spouse with a prime account, and the Scamazon tracking feature has all the accuracy of a dollar store water pistol. Every damn week it's "Oooh, 5 stops left, can you be ready when they are at the door for my (list off 5 things I could have just bought at Five and Fucking Below (and above))". I cannot fucking help but sigh every time the Anyone in my family takes this so-called "Tracking" seriously. Because I know what ensues - constant complaining about their shit not being here...to me, and me being a cranky misanthropic with some kind of fucked up heart condition that still lets me feel things...It just makes me want to play baseball with Beezos head!

So all afternoon, after putting in my 8 hours at the biggest American Scam next to Taxing the poor fixing devices for people who have less tech skills than a newborn infant...I now have to hear "Where's my stuff!" "When's this coming?" "Three more stops" "Howdy dooting, my name is Steeeeve with de Amazon Customer Satisfaction Team...." (sigh). And the amount of times "I Don't know" has to be said by me...if I had a nickel for all those times, I'd be rich enough to buy Amazon off Jeff Bezos and do a better job....and probably buy up Tesla and work out a deal with them as well (as well as cancel the Dumpstertruck). Bad Tracking has always pissed me off in the past with USPS, UPS, and FedExpress. So I can imagine if it were me watching statuses like a 14 year old watching makeup tutorials on Shitstagram, I'd be getting mad too.

Also, deliveries are inconsistant at our apartment complex. We have one of those dumb locker systems that texts you a code when you have a package, but suddenly in the middle of last year or so, they started delivering to our door, and the locker system, and sometimes even just dropping shit off in front of the clubhouse...WTF? And 9/10 the answer as to where it went was wrong! "Left at customer's front door"...it's in the lockers! "Left in mailbox", left at front door. "Given to neighbor or family member" - neither us nor the neighbors were home and they dropped it off in front of the clubhouse...WTF?

Now, in the olden days, this is when I'd start talking about the stupidity of Amazon's staff...but I won't, because I am AWARE Of the conditions in those warehouses, and I am AWARE of the driver's condistions being shit too, and I'm aware this is basically an American sweatshop for "Fulfillment". Fullfillment? Like what, you're going to come over to my apartment and suck me off? Satisfaction, Fullfillment...haven't any of these fuckers heard a Rolling Stones song!?!? If there's a "Fullfillment" center, then I'm expecting that place has more to do with my privates than a Temu grade vibrator would! These people die on the job and then treated like a minor inconvenience, aren't allowed to go to the bathroom, and if they are, it's timed by some jackoff with a stopwatch like a demented coach with some level of perversion, and all by the late-stage-consumerism threat that is "well, if you don't like it, you can starve you lazy fuck".

So yeah, I don't give them my money, nor my time. Unfortunatley, people around me do. And those people remind me constantly "well isn't it nice you don't have to drive to PetCo for Cat Litter?"...well, wouldn't it be nice if we could actually PUNISH these corprations in a way that...ya' know...actually hurts - THEIR MOTHERFUCKING PROFITS!!! "But it's the future dude" - then fuck the future. That should be my new tagline.